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Jim's PERSPECTIVEJanuary 13, 2014In the previous Perspective article (January 6), the one that asks the question, “How much is of me versus how much is God working in me,” I equated “ego” with “selfishness.” But the reality is, not everything associated with “flesh” is carnal or illicit, and not everything associated with ego is selfish and prideful. What makes one unique as a person is one’s personality, and ego is a part of that. The Spirit of God does not come to obliterate our egos but, rather, to transform them and make us into the kind of servants that he can use for his own glory and purposes. Jesus did say, in John’s gospel, that when we glorify God, we are being glorified ourselves: “In this is my Father glorified that you bear much fruit.” The late great Methodist evangelist Tommy Tyson used to say, “When the Holy Spirit comes, he comes AS YOU.” I always liked that. Concerning the presence of selfish ego even in the best and highest that we know, something should be said about the parts of us that do get it right from time to time. Having a heart for God or a desire to “play for God” does count. Just the willingness to play gospel music, that is, music that presents the gospel is a real step forward, especially in view of all of the available alternatives. At least one is not singing about “sex, drugs, and rock-and-roll.” Jesus did say, “He who is for us is not against us.” The Spirit of God puts into his people both a desire to know and to tell the truth. For many, this is a scary prospect. The idea that I might find out things about myself and my life—to say nothing of the truth about human nature in general—that I would rather not know can be frightening. But simply the desire to know at any cost, particularly emotionally and psychologically, the truth is, I believe, also an action of the Holy Spirit working in us. We exhibit a desire to know Jesus, him who is truth, and glorify him and lift him up. “When I be lifted up....,” Jesus says, not only will he “draw all to himself;” but great and powerful things happen and will be manifested. “Who’s the Name I glory in...” is more than just a religious sentiment. I really do want Jesus to be preeminent in what I do, and I am happiest when I do just that. Granted, this is often impeded through my own ego. But I have a desire to exalt him, however imperfect that desire might be. Furthermore, while lifting him up, I have a motivation to put my “self” aside, however imperfect that motive might be. Again, it is so difficult to know “how much is of me” versus “how much is of God.” There is no clear answer as to where one ends and the other begins. The twelfth and thirteenth verses of Philippians 2 say it best: “Work out your own salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God who works in you both to will and to do of his good pleasure.” Someone told me many years ago, “Without you He cannot; without Him you cannot.” Much of this remains a mystery. For me, making Jesus known is truly the only acceptable reason for undertaking anything that will have real divine importance, whether preaching, or writing, or playing. I am aware of the folly—because I have first-hand experience—of trying to preach or witness or write or play apart from him, his Spirit, and his direction. Being in a pulpit or on a stage while proclaiming Jesus without an awareness or sense of his presence is maybe the loneliest place I know. And using the gospel of Jesus as a means to personal affirmation might be the ultimate height of presumption and arrogance: I sing and play about the love and redemptive power of Jesus, and then I get to be the one who receives the praise, accolades, and credit for it. He saves, but I get the applause. Because of the residual effects of ego and sin in my own self, this is always an issue. But I am working on that. I do say, however (and I believe that this is true), that I would rather his will be done in my life than my will be done in my life. I am very well aware of his assertion in John 15, that “...without me you can do nothing.”—that is to say, nothing of real redemptive spiritual significance. If I do not see or feel the acknowledgement or the approval that comes from God, but can only find that kind of acknowledgement or approval that comes from people, whether a congregation, an audience, or a fan-base, then I am not interested in it. Furthermore, if I sense and know the approval that comes from God, the disapproval of people does not matter, and I will not listen to it. This much I have come to terms with. And I know that God knows this about me. I cannot count the number of times I have put the subject before him. But having said all this, I am still human, and I still want approval from people. But God knows which of the two I prefer. In a perfect world the kind of players that I would choose to associate with have reached (or “are in process of reaching” would be better way to say it) a similar place in their own thinking. I realize that we all are at different levels of musical and spiritual ability and understanding. But, it seems to me, the issues that I have been talking about should have a universal appeal and application. We all should take a painfully honest look at the motivations that drive us, and do some serious Spirit-assisted self-evaluation. I have heard many sincere Christians profess, “I want to do thus-and-such for God,” and really think that they meant it, but in reality, what they want is to be recognized by others as having done thus-and-such for God. The lust for recognition is a very heady brew. And I am sure that “novice” Christians are not the only ones that do not come to an awareness of this kind of subtle temptation. I have seen and known (being one myself) other experienced, fairly mature, Spirit-filled Christians who are affected by the desire for recognition (or else bent out of shape because someone else receives it). Even so, God can use any or all that is truly committed to him, even that which is tainted with selfish ego. But it is better to try one’s best to be rid of the fleshly part. And it is absolutely crucial to be aware of one’s personal issues in this regard. Therefore God has something better in mind for us—to use us in ministry as we yield ourselves to him to be used by him. For that to happen, one must submit every motive (whether we think it to be true or self-deceptive) in us that the Holy Spirit brings to our attention. “Examine yourselves,” as Paul says in both first and second Corinthians. These verses also come to mind: For though we walk in the flesh, we do not war after the flesh: I often draw on that part of the passage that speaks of “bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ” as an injunction to actually allow the Holy Spirit access into our thinking processes as a check on our motives. Doing this is not easy, and can also be embarrassing, especially if the attempt is an honest one. There are thoughts in all of us that we would be ashamed to allow anyone—particularly a Holy One—access to. And yet, we are encouraged to do it. Not only that, we are sanctioned and commanded to do it, in spite of our inconsistencies and failures. I think that one key word for any musician, preacher, or leader of any spiritual undertaking or event is renunciation of self and flesh. In other words, this means recognizing those parts of ourselves that are not flattering, the parts that are embarrassing, the parts that are selfish and egotistical, and renouncing them, saying no to them. Just in realizing the need for renouncing the less-than-good in us is a great grace, and this, too, is a function of the Holy Spirit. As John Newton says, “It was grace that taught my heart to fear, and grace my fears relieved.” Worship leaders who possess and exhibit this kind of self-effacing demeanor are refreshing. “Having a spirit of humility” is another way to put it. - Jim Radford |
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©2013 Jim Radford. All rights reserved. Unauthorized duplication prohibited.
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